If you are a fan of the show Shark Tank like I am, you know they follow a similar formula. An entrepreneur comes in with a “life-changing” product and waxes poetic about how much money it is going to make. 

Eventually, the sharks get to the all-important question:

“Great, what are your sales?”

How about $143 million…

This is the third annual Schmoozeletter VICIversary! Woo! Party hats and noisemakers. March 9th, 2023, was my first-ever purchase of everyone’s favorite real estate investment trust, VICI Properties. Three years ago, I entered the VICIverse at $33 per share. 

“But Dave?!” you say. “$33 per share? It is now under $30. Why are you celebrating and not in the town square receiving twenty lashes for your tomfoolery?”

To answer the question of whether AI-related stocks are heading for impending doom, let’s take a look at a smattering and play everyone’s favorite Schmoozeletter game:

Bubble Trouble

You’re a believer. You don’t care what I say. I’m a decel maxxing newb who doesn’t get it. Bitcoin is going to the moon, and I’ll be stuck on earth like the portly fiat bro Keynesian cuck that I am.

Did you know there is a fund where you can get: 

Cash for (Digital) Gold

The similarities with the stock price of META right now and GOOG around this time last year are pretty striking. 

Ooooh baby, we got a fire sale this week!

Tons of amazing assets on discount.

Come on down to the market emporium and scoop up some high-quality compounders for long-term holds.

So let’s play everyone’s favorite Schmoozeletter game:

What the heck happened with precious metals this week, eh?

If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I would not buy you a house
Nope, no illiquid assets for you
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I would not buy you furniture for your house
Get an ottoman at a garage sale and call it a day

By that, of course, I mean President Donald J. Trump is behaving like disgraced former president Richard M. Nixon. 

What did you think I meant?

I’ve seen the future:

So I have the answer to the question asked every January:

What is going to be the top stock this year?

Running back my grammy award winning diss track, Crypto Bonfire.

Buy Low.  Sell High.

Simple as could be. And yet, it goes against human nature.

The exciting investments people want to talk about and join in on are the ones that are UP!

’Twas the week before Christmas and all through the land,

Investors were treated to news of a presidential rebrand.

Trump Media & Technology Group, ticker DJT,

Had been on epic collapse; the whole nation could see,

En garde!

We’ve got our first-ever Schmoozeletter duel!

It’s a duel about DUOL.

A DUOL duel.

They say in life you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I say they’re full of shit. That is the only way to have cake.

But in the stock market, can you have your cash and eat it too?

There is no meal more delicious than Thanksgiving. The family gets together around some succulent supper, and good times are had by all. 

Stuffing myself with countless carbs got me thinking: what would be a portfolio as mouthwatering as this fantastic feast?

I recently talked to a member of the SoFi Syndicate. They had company tattoos on each forearm, and every hour on the hour they would rise from their chair, look west to SoFi headquarters, and shout:

SoFi ‘Til I Die!

Netflix, NFLX, is an exceptional business.

I am not just saying that because every girl between the ages of 4–14 was a K-Pop Demon Hunters character for Halloween this year.

We’re just under a year into the Business-Mogul-In-Chief’s second tenure, so let’s recap the performance of DJT.

At the Schmoozeletter, we know that more important than being smart is sounding smart. That’s why we’re dropping another edition of the hottest series since the Fibonacci sequence. It’s the return of the most electrifying topic in financial comedy newsletter history. The next time anyone is speaking positively about a stock and the conversation comes to you, hit them with the phrase: