Should you be photo-shopping for this AI software company?

Are we Premiere Pro on the stock, or are we Illustr-haters?

They’re dominant. They’re massive. They could put down a thousand hot dogs at the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest and spike the mustard belt right in Joey Chestnut’s face.

I know what you’re looking for.

We want market-beating returns.

We want big returns. Yuge returns. Enormous, gargantuan, colossal returns.

We want…

Well howdy, y’all. Ever stumble upon some projections that make you near ’bout fall off yer pony? If you ain’t done figured it out by now, we’re chinwaggin’ ’bout Texas Instruments, TXN, this week.

The calculator makers?

Darn tootin’.

This week, I figured I would put our future overlords to the test with one simple question:

“What ten individual stocks are the best buys right now for long-term gains?”

“Not everyone fully grasped the magnitude of the tsunami that is approaching.”

Take cover! There is a tsunami of cash headed our way!

All Aboard the Google Hype Train!

Choo! Choo!

Dave, these Schmoozeletters are too long. Dave, there are too many words to read. Dave, you’re too good-looking. What do you want me to do? Analyze a company using only pictures?

We’re going big-game hunting. Let’s see what the fat cats are up to and answer the question:

What in the 13F?!

Don’t be like Goofus. Be like Gallant.

Light the fireworks and grab some champagne!

Retirement is basically here as Fartcoin is coming to a 401(k) near you!

It has been a rough couple of months for the healthcare company. 

But how low is too low?

What is your goal in investing?

Some people’s goal is to have a really cool portfolio of hyped-up assets that they can talk about on social media or over hot sauce at the lunch table.

Some people just want to make money.

Crypto is all about deregulation.
Crypto is all about bringing power back to the people.
Crypto is all about not being a slave to the United States dollar.
Crypto is all about taking down the dirty banks and crooked corporations with a new currency.

So what does “pegged to the U.S. dollar” really mean?

This week, Mr. Market breaks to new highs again as he stays hotter than the July weather.

It’s hot. We’re in the dog days. Volume is low. Action is low. And snark is high. This is…

Here are the four best stocks. With four fun pics. And four fun facts. For July 4th.

This week, Mr. Market goes zooming over all-time highs!

Let’s take a fun look at what the “experts” were saying when the market hit lows in early April. 

I just bought a new big fancy stock of a company that is top class.

All the pundits do agree that every big fancy test they pass.

They have a big fancy business model that’s too complicated to explain.

They don’t have any revenue yet, but the growth projections are insane.

If you ain't got no haters, you ain't poppin'.

Every once in a while, it’s fun to check in on the naysayers. Do they make good points? Or are they just yipping at the top dogs for attention? Let’s investigate.

What should the stock price of TSLA be?

I was racking my brain and finally thought to myself, “What would a high schooler with math homework do?”

Use AI for the answers!