Hold on to your butts because we got a five-way battle for market supremacy featuring the five most valuable companies in the world:

Nvidia vs. Google vs. Apple vs. Microsoft vs. SpaceX

At the Schmoozeletter, we know that more important than being smart is sounding smart. That’s why we’re dropping another edition of the hottest series since the Fibonacci sequence.

We are a mere week from the most anticipated IPO in financial entertainment.

Elon and the anti-investor cretins at the Nasdaq have it structured for this thing to run for the first two weeks.

Jerome.

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways…

The biggest finance news of the week was that Elon’s SpaceX did its first public filing, and it is juicy!

Let’s go to Space… X.

Has he been a stellar CEO and taken the original meme stock to the moon since becoming forehead honcho?

No.

Do you know when you can retire?

Do you know what your retirement portfolio should look like?

Do you only know Roth as the front man from Van Halen?

You might not fancy yourself a chart reader, but does the following daily chart of the stock price of Avis Budget Group, ticker symbol CAR, look normal to you?

Biology is pretty neat. Technology is what gives me all my favorite gizmos.

WARNING: Their goal is to take your money!

Investing can be really simple:

Buy a low-cost market index fund every two weeks when your paycheck hits.

Boom. Done. Follow this one sentence and you’ll be set for life in thirty years.

Boring!

Do you hear that?

It’s the winds of change…

Are you a parking ticket… because those growth grades have “fine” written all over them!

Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful. 

Personally, I prefer the sayings:

It comes with fries
Or
I’m not going to finish this; do you want it?

Dave, these Schmoozeletters are too long. Dave, there are too many words to read. Dave, you’re too good-looking. What do you want me to do? Analyze a company using only pictures?

If you are a fan of the show Shark Tank like I am, you know they follow a similar formula. An entrepreneur comes in with a “life-changing” product and waxes poetic about how much money it is going to make. 

Eventually, the sharks get to the all-important question:

“Great, what are your sales?”

How about $143 million…

This is the third annual Schmoozeletter VICIversary! Woo! Party hats and noisemakers. March 9th, 2023, was my first-ever purchase of everyone’s favorite real estate investment trust, VICI Properties. Three years ago, I entered the VICIverse at $33 per share. 

“But Dave?!” you say. “$33 per share? It is now under $30. Why are you celebrating and not in the town square receiving twenty lashes for your tomfoolery?”

To answer the question of whether AI-related stocks are heading for impending doom, let’s take a look at a smattering and play everyone’s favorite Schmoozeletter game:

Bubble Trouble

You’re a believer. You don’t care what I say. I’m a decel maxxing newb who doesn’t get it. Bitcoin is going to the moon, and I’ll be stuck on earth like the portly fiat bro Keynesian cuck that I am.

Did you know there is a fund where you can get: 

Cash for (Digital) Gold

The similarities with the stock price of META right now and GOOG around this time last year are pretty striking. 

Ooooh baby, we got a fire sale this week!

Tons of amazing assets on discount.

Come on down to the market emporium and scoop up some high-quality compounders for long-term holds.

So let’s play everyone’s favorite Schmoozeletter game: