There is no meal more delicious than Thanksgiving. The family gets together around some succulent supper, and good times are had by all. 

Stuffing myself with countless carbs got me thinking: what would be a portfolio as mouthwatering as this fantastic feast?

I recently talked to a member of the SoFi Syndicate. They had company tattoos on each forearm, and every hour on the hour they would rise from their chair, look west to SoFi headquarters, and shout:

SoFi ‘Til I Die!

Netflix, NFLX, is an exceptional business.

I am not just saying that because every girl between the ages of 4–14 was a K-Pop Demon Hunters character for Halloween this year.

We’re just under a year into the Business-Mogul-In-Chief’s second tenure, so let’s recap the performance of DJT.

At the Schmoozeletter, we know that more important than being smart is sounding smart. That’s why we’re dropping another edition of the hottest series since the Fibonacci sequence. It’s the return of the most electrifying topic in financial comedy newsletter history. The next time anyone is speaking positively about a stock and the conversation comes to you, hit them with the phrase:

This week was GameStop 2.0!

So, you want to know the best way to make money gambling on BYND?

All you have to do is wait for the charts.

Should you be photo-shopping for this AI software company?

Are we Premiere Pro on the stock, or are we Illustr-haters?

They’re dominant. They’re massive. They could put down a thousand hot dogs at the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest and spike the mustard belt right in Joey Chestnut’s face.

I know what you’re looking for.

We want market-beating returns.

We want big returns. Yuge returns. Enormous, gargantuan, colossal returns.

We want…

Well howdy, y’all. Ever stumble upon some projections that make you near ’bout fall off yer pony? If you ain’t done figured it out by now, we’re chinwaggin’ ’bout Texas Instruments, TXN, this week.

The calculator makers?

Darn tootin’.

This week, I figured I would put our future overlords to the test with one simple question:

“What ten individual stocks are the best buys right now for long-term gains?”

“Not everyone fully grasped the magnitude of the tsunami that is approaching.”

Take cover! There is a tsunami of cash headed our way!

All Aboard the Google Hype Train!

Choo! Choo!

Dave, these Schmoozeletters are too long. Dave, there are too many words to read. Dave, you’re too good-looking. What do you want me to do? Analyze a company using only pictures?

We’re going big-game hunting. Let’s see what the fat cats are up to and answer the question:

What in the 13F?!

Don’t be like Goofus. Be like Gallant.

Light the fireworks and grab some champagne!

Retirement is basically here as Fartcoin is coming to a 401(k) near you!

It has been a rough couple of months for the healthcare company. 

But how low is too low?

What is your goal in investing?

Some people’s goal is to have a really cool portfolio of hyped-up assets that they can talk about on social media or over hot sauce at the lunch table.

Some people just want to make money.

Crypto is all about deregulation.
Crypto is all about bringing power back to the people.
Crypto is all about not being a slave to the United States dollar.
Crypto is all about taking down the dirty banks and crooked corporations with a new currency.

So what does “pegged to the U.S. dollar” really mean?