Dave, these Schmoozeletters are too long. Dave, there are too many words to read. Dave, you’re too good-looking. What do you want me to do? Analyze a company using only pictures?

We’re going big-game hunting. Let’s see what the fat cats are up to and answer the question:

What in the 13F?!

Don’t be like Goofus. Be like Gallant.

Light the fireworks and grab some champagne!

Retirement is basically here as Fartcoin is coming to a 401(k) near you!

It has been a rough couple of months for the healthcare company. 

But how low is too low?

What is your goal in investing?

Some people’s goal is to have a really cool portfolio of hyped-up assets that they can talk about on social media or over hot sauce at the lunch table.

Some people just want to make money.

Crypto is all about deregulation.
Crypto is all about bringing power back to the people.
Crypto is all about not being a slave to the United States dollar.
Crypto is all about taking down the dirty banks and crooked corporations with a new currency.

So what does “pegged to the U.S. dollar” really mean?

This week, Mr. Market breaks to new highs again as he stays hotter than the July weather.

It’s hot. We’re in the dog days. Volume is low. Action is low. And snark is high. This is…

Here are the four best stocks. With four fun pics. And four fun facts. For July 4th.

This week, Mr. Market goes zooming over all-time highs!

Let’s take a fun look at what the “experts” were saying when the market hit lows in early April. 

I just bought a new big fancy stock of a company that is top class.

All the pundits do agree that every big fancy test they pass.

They have a big fancy business model that’s too complicated to explain.

They don’t have any revenue yet, but the growth projections are insane.

If you ain't got no haters, you ain't poppin'.

Every once in a while, it’s fun to check in on the naysayers. Do they make good points? Or are they just yipping at the top dogs for attention? Let’s investigate.

What should the stock price of TSLA be?

I was racking my brain and finally thought to myself, “What would a high schooler with math homework do?”

Use AI for the answers!

Now you are not supposed to use words like scam. Shouldn’t be throwing around accusations of dishonesty or swindles or grifts or downright frauds. We live in a litigious society. Can’t be claiming any of the following companies are intentionally misleading investors to keep their shitty unprofitable companies operating long enough so that the insiders can continue to use shareholder funds to make themselves rich. You can’t say that. Unless you’re a clown who writes a comedy newsletter.

There are plenty of ways to structure a portfolio to make it quite simple.

There are plenty of ways to structure a portfolio so that you’ll never run out of money.

But combining the two?!

That is tougher than a two-dollar steak.

Ever wonder what’s the deal with college savings plans?

Like to see AI-generated images of cute babies?

I’ve got you covered.

Dear Uber
Dear Uber
Why does Mr. Market hate you so?
Dear Uber
Dear Uber
Why no respect for how you grow?

This week, the results are in, and we are now one quarter away from a recession!

But who gives a zon, let’s talk about Amazon.

We had two of the big boys reporting their financials for the quarter. Two companies on very different paths in very different situations. Two companies with very different management styles and very different leaders.

I’m talking Tesla vs Google in the battle of Fundamentals vs Fluff.

Why hasn’t the Fed lowered interest rates yet?

Why did Mark S run back to Helly?

Let’s do a quick review of how the economy and the structure of the United States works in another fun edition of: