Quip It and Rip It: Edition 4
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week, we’re talking about:
Quip It and Rip It: A one-sentence phrase about the stock market to sound smart
Did you hear about SpaceX?
That was a joke. It is everywhere.
The biggest IPO in history! Elon is the richest man! The janitors are millionaires!
Great story.
But if you are buying it at this price, insiders are saying:
“Thanks for the exit liquidity!”
This is…
Quip It and Rip It: A one-sentence phrase about the stock market to sound smart
At the Schmoozeletter, we know that more important than being smart is sounding smart. That’s why we’re dropping another edition of the hottest series since the Fibonacci sequence. It’s the return of the most electrifying topic in financial comedy newsletter history. The next time anyone is speaking positively about a speculative investment like crypto or SpaceX and the conversation comes to you, hit them with the phrase:
Insiders say, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
This phrase works even better if you know the name of an actual insider. Some variations include:
For bitcoin: Michael Saylor says, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
For SPCX: Twitter investors say, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
For TSLA: Elon says, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
For GME: Ryan Cohen says, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
When your boss catches wind of you dropping that phrase at the water cooler, instant promotion.
Now, if you get any pushback from the person originally giving a positive outlook on the stock, keep it extremely vague to avoid being found out. They may actually know what they’re talking about… or at the very least know what exit liquidity means. Perhaps they say something like:
“But there is a lock up restriction period?”
Exude extreme confidence in your response. Puff your chest and draw a wry smirk. Muster the gusto of a lax bro and hit them with:
“Yeah, and then it is going into free fall.”
Look to your compatriots at the water cooler who have just judged you the victor in this battle of stock market fodder. Your boss has probably promoted you again for this response.
Saying the price will go down can never lose. By the time you’d be proven wrong, years have passed.
Plus, no one remembers you saying not to buy something. What they’ll never forget is you saying to buy something and having it fall off a cliff.
The key with Quip It and Rip It is to get in and get out. You want to nail the phrase and have the subject change as fast as possible. The deeper they delve into your quip, the more likely you are to be discovered as a phony.
Don’t be afraid to physically walk away from the person and avoid them for the rest of your life. Sure, you may lose a loving family member or long-term friend, but their final memory of you will be that you sounded smart. Isn’t that what really matters?
So what does Insiders say, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”actually mean?
First off: unimportant. Understanding what you’re saying is secondary to unleashing a great quip to sound smart. When you actually know what you’re saying, you run the risk of over-explaining and getting destroyed by a better quip.
That sorry sucker at the water cooler who was going on about how great the stock was actually knew what he was saying, and you put him in a body bag so fast your boss fired him. Don’t feel bad though. Your new double promotion comes with three people under you, so you can hire him back.
But for those interested in this optional step, “exit liquidity” refers to the people who got in early having enough people buying after them to get out for a profit. You are basically calling the asset a Ponzi scheme.
This happens when the price isn’t up based on fundamentals, but just on more and more people buying. Eventually, when the buying runs out, the price will crash back down to earth. So, the people who got in early need suckers to keep buying after them so they can sell at high prices.
This is different from investing on fundamentals, where the stock price increases at, say, 15% per year because the company's earnings are increasing at 15% per year.
If I’ve lost you there with crazy words like “fundamentals,” I get it. Most people on CNBC don’t know about those either. Don’t let that discourage you from quipping and ripping.
So, the next time your Gordon Gekko friend says stock XYZ is the best buy in the universe, you know the drill. Look them up and down, draw a confident smirk, lean back, cross your arms, take a deep breath, and unload:
Pssh… XYZ insiders say, “thanks for the exit liquidity!”
Final Thought
Imagine having all the money in the world and using it dismantle USAID.
