If I Had a Million Dollars
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week, we’re talking about:
If I Had a Million Dollars
(Play for sound as you sing the lyrics to yourself)
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I would not buy you a house
Nope, no illiquid assets for you
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I would not buy you furniture for your house
Get an ottoman at a garage sale and call it a day
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I would not buy you a K-Car
Nope, no depreciating assets for you
And if I had a million dollars
I would not buy your looooooove
If I had a million dollars
I'd invest in equities that pay us money
If I had a million dollars
We’d buy dividend stocks that will generate income
If I had a million dollars
Live off the distributions and never spend the principal
You know, we could just have money flowing and hang
Like keep going to Costco, stock our fridge
No need for food laid out for us
Like all wrapped sausages and things, mm
They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame them?
Uh, no
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I’d spend half on a dividend growth index
The only option you need there is SCHD
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, that would grow real nice over years
Yep, like some flowers or some bamboo
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I’d spend half on high-yield covered call funds
Ooh, but make sure they don’t destroy their NAV
And if I had a million dollars
I would not buy your looooooove
If I had a million dollars
We’d spread the risk across asset providers
If I had a million dollars
Eggs in multiple baskets as little dividers
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to worry about the stock price
But would we worry about stock price?
Of course we wouldn’t; we'd just care about the cash
And only worry about the distributions flowing in
That's right, all the fanciest, cashola, mm, mm
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd put 20% in Goldman’s GPIQ
The safest of the bunch, oh yeah, that's true
And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd put 15% in NEOS’s SPYI
The S&P 500 will never die
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd put the rest in ICAP and QYLG
Haven't you always wanted to be financially free?
If I had a million dollars
I would not buy your looooooove
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich*
*This would generate around $70k per year and grow to around $100k per year over the next ten years while never needing to sell the principal.
Now, if I had three million dollars
I'd be rich
Final Thought
I’ve never wanted a monkey.
