‘Twas the Week Before Christmas
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week, we’re talking about:
‘Twas the Week Before Christmas
’Twas the week before Christmas and all through the land,
Investors were treated to news of a presidential rebrand.
Trump Media & Technology Group, ticker DJT,
Had been on epic collapse; the whole nation could see,
What could make the stock rise and quell the fear,
How about news of a merger that “Trump’s Gone Nuclear”,
In terms of a pivot, this is quite a head scratcher,
You’d think a DJT partner would be a bit higher in stature,
TAE makes no money and fusion is early in its run,
The first reactor won’t be operational until 2031,
And DJT’s role is to bring the cash,
“Access to capital” is what they bring to the bash,
Two hundred mil at signing and one hundred mil more,
When they dot the I’s and cross the T’s on the S-4,
The Truth Social platform must be raking in dough,
Or are they flush with dollars from their turn to crypto?
Or has the prediction market business brought in the scratch?
Or was it AI that has been the big catch?
Or did the billions come from their TV streaming?
I just can’t put my finger on what’s got the balance sheet beaming,
Let’s head to the financials to find the secret sauce,
Gee, that’s odd…
Back-to-back years of a $141 million operating loss,
How do they lose so much money and still end up with billions?
Oh, that’s right… It’s all from selling shares to civilians,
Just keep offering to the public and letting that share count grow,
Will get plenty of cash for the company to blow,
No SEC will question selling shares to fools,
Not when it’s Donny boy making the rules,
So get ready for the most predictable action of 2026,
I’m no Nostradamus, I just provide hahas for clicks,
But I’d bet my house, my car, and my savings to boot,
Next year we see this share-selling company: DILUTE,
Pump the stock a bit then dump on the heads,
Of all the silly MAGA “investors” asleep in their beds,
Visions of riches dancing in their brains,
Thinking buying stock in DJT made them John Maynard Keynes,
But they are the product; the company’s goal is their cash,
“Access to capital” is what DJT brings to the bash.
Final Thought
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
