Where the Wall Street Ends

Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!

Where the Wall Street Ends

 

I just bought a new big fancy stock of a company that is top class.

All the pundits do agree that every big fancy test they pass.

They have a big fancy business model that’s too complicated to explain.

They don’t have any revenue yet, but the growth projections are insane.

They’re in a big fancy trendy sector that is all the buzz right now.

They have a smooth-talking CEO who’s got all the know-how.

They do stock offerings all the time whenever they need cash

To throw big fancy executive parties that look like such a bash.

They’ve got lots and lots of big fancy loans on their balance sheet.

They haven’t sold any product yet, but they will since it’s so neat.

I’m so happy with my new fancy stock. I’ve given them all my trust.

Look! They’re on TV and… the big fancy company just went bust.

GDP

 

GDP a be a shrinkin’.

The US economy a be a stinkin’.

In Q1 we had a negative point two.

Consumers, we a sure be blue.

When GDP a be a shrinkin’.

 

 

 

Debt

 

I’ve got myself some debt,

But it’s totally not on me.

I’ve got this credit card

That lets me buy everything for free.

 

Each month I rack it up,

I pay it down a little bit.

It’s all the evil card’s fault.

It is such a little shit.

 

Sure, I buy more and more each year,

And the interest does balloon.

I pay it down a little bit.

I’m not a total goon.

 

But I need everything I buy.

I must have a fancy parade.

I gotta up the security.

Who cares how much I get paid?

 

So my budget goes up and up,

But the payments are pretty straight.

But it’s totally not on me.

It’s all because of the interest rate.

 

 

 

Tar Riff

 

For a company, a tariff is an added expense.

They’ve got to pay more dollars and cents.

No extra money in,

Just a political “win.”

Raise prices or cut costs is their only defense.

 

  

 

 

Mr. Powell

 

Mr. Powell controls the interest rate.

Donny desperately wants it lower.

The orange one says he is far TOO LATE,

And yet the chairman only goes slower.

Patience is stressed. We must sit. We must wait. 

As Donny TRUTHs out another flame-thrower.

Will Jerome take the bait?

Will he cave?

Will he flake?

Will he bend?

Will he break?

Will he stop being data-driven under pressure so great?

Can he still do his job under presidential hate?

Patience is stressed. We must sit. We must wait. 

Inflation remains the most important trait.

Data reigns supreme,

Over the loud one’s scream.

When Mr. Powell controls the interest rate.

 

Final Thought

 

There is a place with an endless stream of dividends.

The place where the Wall Street ends.

Previous
Previous

Where Were You at My (Market) Lows

Next
Next

Checking In on the SCHD Haters