The AI Portfolio
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week, the biggest news in the markets was:
Snip, Snip, Boom
Jenny J Poww and the Fed cut interest rates by a quarter point like everyone was expecting after Jackson Hole. Yawn. So let’s talk:
The AI Portfolio
This week, I figured I would put our future overlords to the test with one simple question:
“What ten individual stocks are the best buys right now for long-term gains?”
I asked the chattiest bots we’ve got that brain buster. Let’s see who is taking us to profit land.
I asked this same phrase to:
ChatGPT
Gemini
Grok
Claude
Perplexity
DeepSeek
They all gave some sort of qualifier about how they can’t give investment advice and blah blah blah.
But Claude was the only one to simply not answer.
Whatever, you stupid robot. Just do my bidding.
Everyone else gave lengthy disclaimers but actually provided ten stocks. I was going to post all the screenshots, but it would be pretty long, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that this is what they said.
So what is the best stock in the universe according to our amazing artificial intelligence automatons?
Only one company was named by all five of the robo-investors.
The only stock that every Agent Smith agrees should be in your portfolio for long-term gains:
Amazon.com, Inc.
Shout out Bezos.
Can’t say I disagree. $670 billion in sales, growing at 13%, diversified across a bunch of business segments including a booming cloud business in the hot AI sector, and a slightly expensive but still reasonable valuation with a FWD P/E in the low thirties.
No real holes to poke in the Amazon.
These were the tickers that popped up more than once throughout all of Ultron:
Sorry, Jensenator. Nvidia just got bumped, as only Elon’s Grok was not a fan.
Wondering how these AI portfolios have performed? If Skynet sent us back a decade…
The best-performing portfolio is from DeepSeek.
Point China.
Now, that doesn’t mean it’ll be the best in the future, but my guess is that it will.
If I were to nitpick the DeepSeek collection, I’d swap TSLA for SPGI, but the logic makes sense.
The other nine stocks are “safer,” and Tesla is the higher-potential-reward bet.
So should you be betting the house on AMZN or any of these Algorithmic Allocations of Risk?
Hang on.
Is there a long-term portfolio that is even simpler?
Final Thought
Could you imagine if the head of the FCC went on CNN and threatened to take action against Fox and its affiliates for something that a Fox News personality said?
