The Hottest Scam in the Stock Market
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week, Mr. Market trades up a bit as NVDA stays sizzling, inflation stays cool, and the executive and judicial branches tussle for tariff transcendence. But enough mumbo jumbo.
Let’s talk about…
The Hottest Scam in the Stock Market
Now you are not supposed to use words like scam. Shouldn’t be throwing around accusations of dishonesty or swindles or grifts or downright frauds. We live in a litigious society. Can’t be claiming any of the following companies are intentionally misleading investors to keep their shitty unprofitable companies operating long enough so that the insiders can continue to use shareholder funds to make themselves rich. You can’t say that. Unless you’re a clown who writes a comedy newsletter.
Parody law, bitch.
Fart noise.
But what is all the rage once again is crypto. Bitcoin is over $100k. XRP is up 3% this year. Dogecoin is down 40% year-to-date. Whoops, my bad. We’re only supposed to talk about coins that went up.
So the hottest… er, trend… in the market is to take your unprofitable, money-incineration company, and say you’re buying crypto!
Got a company that can’t turn a profit?
No problem!
Follow this handy step-by-step guide:
1. Lose money by actually operating your company
2. Say you’re buying crypto
3. Get other people to give you money
4. Pay yourself
5. Lose money by actually operating your company
So let’s take a look at who is jumping in on the hottest scam in the market. Who is trying to take your money to pay themselves with the fun advertising ploy of buying digital gold.
Bonus points if they say, “strategic reserve.”
Man, a strategic reserve sounds good.
I’ve got a strategic reserve of snacks at my house. It’s not that I’m binge eating. I’m just dipping into my strategic reserve.
All of these headlines are from just this week:
PSQH sells diapers, wipes, training pants, soaps, and lotions under the EveryLife brand. The company announced “its intention to explore a Digital Asset Treasury Strategy”.
Well, hot dog, that sounds nice. How do the financials look?
PSQH brought in revenue in the past twelve months of $27M and had an operating loss of $53M.
Hmm, that doesn’t leave a lot of cash for gold.
Q: How are they gonna pay for it?
A: Get other people to give them money.
“PublicSquare filed a prospectus supplement on May 23, 2025 with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (the “SEC”) under which it may offer and sell from time to time, at its discretion, various types of securities including shares of its common stock having an aggregate offering price of up to $50.0 million pursuant to an “at the market offering” (ATM).”
Just a cool fifty mil please, we’ve got coins to buy!
Let’s do another:
NAKA is “a patient-first healthcare and healthcare data company redefining value-based care and patient-centered medical services.” The company bought 21 bitcoin and changed their stock ticker from KDLY to NAKA as part of “new vision to adopt a Bitcoin treasury strategy through its proposed merger with Nakamoto Holdings Inc.” How ambitious.
I’m always so bummed when I go to the doctor, and they just take my stupid credit card instead of my bitcoin.
NAKA brought in revenue in the past twelve months of $2.5M and had an operating loss of $4.2M.
Hmm, if you ain’t making money, then how you buying gold?
Q: How did they pay for it?
A: Get other people to give them money.
“The company said it completed the purchase using proceeds from the exercise of its outstanding warrants, which resulted in the issuance of 1.4 million common shares.”
Real companies like AAPL, MSFT, and GOOG use the money they make to buy back their shares. Fake companies lose money and sell their shares so they can burn more cash.
AMOD is “a technology company specializing in artificial intelligence solutions for the retail industry.” The company is putting a whopping one-quarter of their future revenue into cryptocurrency.
Geez Louise. How much we talking here?
AMOD brought in revenue in the past twelve months of $0 and had an operating loss of $2M.
Quick, someone do the math for me. Twenty-five percent of zero is how much again?
So I personally bring in more annual revenue than these jamokes. I sure do wonder how they are buying gold?
Q: How are they gonna pay for it?
A: Get other people to give them money.
“In light of the company’s crypto-forward strategy, Alpha Modus has been approached by several prominent investment banks offering credit facilities with immediate drawdowns ranging from $50 million to $150 million for the exclusive purpose of acquiring digital assets. While no agreements have been finalized, the company is actively evaluating these financing options as part of its long-term digital asset deployment framework.”
These AI specialists have financials dating back to April of 2021 and have yet to record a single cent of revenue. Ah, to own a public company…
Speed Round:
Q: Who was an unprofitable company that investors gifted a boatload of cash despite a dying business model?
A: GME
But the undisputed kings of the give me your money so I can buy coins movement is MSTR.
MSTR was an unprofitable enterprise analytics software company that is now just the we-buy-bitcoin company.
MSTR brought in revenue in the past twelve months of $459M and had an operating loss of $7.6B (with a B).
Hmm, so they want to be the leading gold getter.
Q: How are they gonna pay for it?
A: Get other people to give them money.
They are as in-your-face about taking your money as it gets. Look at the 19th slide of their ridiculously long 92-slide first-quarter 2025 earnings presentation. (It is 2025 despite them having it incorrectly labeled on their website. See the top left corner.)
Yes, looking to raise $84B to buy bitcoin. Silly question: If the price of BTC goes down, what happens to the loans again? Never mind, that is so decel-maxxing of me to even ask. The price of Bitcoin will never go down.
Finally, if there is a grift to be had, then you know the ConMan-In-Chief is wetting his beak.
DJT operates the social media site Truth Social.
DJT brought in revenue in the past twelve months of $4M and had an operating loss of $125M.
So…
Q: How did they pay for it?
A: Get other people to give them money.
“The Offering consisted of the sale of (i) 55,857,181 shares of the Company’s common stock, at a price of $25.72 per share, for gross proceeds of approximately $1.44 billion and (ii) 0.00% convertible senior secured notes due 2028 in the principal amount of $1.00 billion, at the conversion price of $34.72 per share, for an aggregate purchase price of approximately $2.44 billion.”
Wonder how much it pays to run a company losing nine figures per year from its actual operations?
You see, the key to making money in crypto isn’t by buying crypto or investing in companies involved in crypto.
It is by already having a company and following this guide:
1. Lose money by actually operating your company
2. Say you’re buying crypto
3. Get other people to give you money
4. Pay yourself
5. Lose money by actually operating your company
Final Thought
If DJT goes bankrupt tomorrow, Devin Nunes gets to keep the $1.6M check he cashed two weeks ago. It is the shareholders who are invested in the company who lose everything.
